Music and Holiday Memories

By Laurie Niles: As I spend time with family this holiday season, I have been thinking about the way that music connects us in our traditions, to our past, and to each other. For example, "The Nutcracker." Every time I hear it, a myriad of past experiences play in my mind, often at the same time as I'm creating new memories. Do you have music that does this for you, especially at this time of the year? My first memory of the Nutcracker makes me smile. It goes back to being a waltzing "Flower," as an eight-year-old. No, I wasn't in an actual production of the Nutcracker, I was just taking ballet lessons at the local recreation center, and for their winter production, my class danced to "Waltz of the Flowers." We had costumes - my grandmother made the sheer "full-circle skirt" that would go over a white leotard and tights - some girls had a pink one, others had blue. Mine was blue. If I twirled very vigorously it would spin out from my waist in every direction. This was very thrilling. I was not meant to be a ballerina, or even a moderately competent dancer. But I sure loved twirling around to that beautiful music. The choreography from that my one experience remains in my bones - a little part of me still does a jumping arabesque inside when I hear it. That production, however, was my last. It coincided with my decision to try music, and my mother informed me that I didn't have time for both. "I'm quitting ballet so that I can play the violin," I told my teacher. She didn't miss a beat with what seemed to me like an impossibly optimistic prediction: "Maybe some day you will beplaying 'Waltz of the Flowers' on your violin!" she said. Fast-forward a couple of decades later, and I was doing exactly that: playing in the orchestra pit for productions of "The Nutcracker," first in Lincoln, Neb., and later in Colorado Springs. It's challenging music, but I loved it. I remember the first time I played it, a colleague saying to me, "The best music is actually in the first half - the music that people don't know as well." I think I agree with that assessment; even though the "Waltz of the Flowers" has a special place in my heart, I really grew to love the end of the first act. No, I grew to know and love every note. I didn't tire of the music, even after multiple performances in a row. For one series of Nutcrackers that I played, my daughter - then a toddler - came to see it. Afterwards my husband reported that she spent the entire performance dancing in the aisles and telling anyone who would listen, "My mommie is in the arm-pit!" (!!) More recently, I had an entirely new experience with "The Nutcracker" - for the last few years I've attended the ballet as an audience member - with the same daughter, who is now grown and in her mid-20s. This time it was she who procured the tickets and took me to the American Contemporary Ballet's wonderfully unique production. She knew how much I loved it - and now it has a special place in my heart alongside her. I'm probably not finished, when it comes to creating memories associated with music from the Nutcracker - but every new memory still connects me to all the old ones. And it's not always easy - for example, my daughter plans to move to a different city next year. When we attended the ballet together earlier this month, I was acutely that next year will be different! And it's not just the "Nutcracker," of course. Last night I went to a Christmas service and heard "Silent Night" - the personal memories, the stories, the history! I couldn't hold back the tears. Honestly the relentless memories - often brought on by music - can make this season very difficult. It's a reminder of change, people we once knew, experiences we once had. It can be very bittersweet. It seems like the music is the same, but everything has changed. Then I remember that music is always new, it is always now. Enjoy your "present"! I wish you all a lovely holiday season. * * *

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